FIVE MONTHS LATER

Five months have passed since the attacks on the World Trade Centers. The continued challenge for parents and caregivers is to provide our children with stability and a sense of security. How we meet this challenge will depend on the developmental stage of our children and our ability to manage our own sense of distress and, perhaps, despair.

To shield our children in times of emergency or in daily life, we can maintain everyday routines, be attentive, avoid unnecessary separations, participate with them in activities, be patient and make decisions with forethought and when we are calm. Information abounds in this day and age. Our younger children need to be shielded from too much information; they do not need to know all the details. On the other hand, with our adolescents, we will spend much more time listening to their views and opinions of the current events, in order to allow them to traverse the landscape of their minds. We will share with them our own views, without judging their ideas. In listening with our hearts, we will better ascertain what our children are searching for and, then, be able to avoid flooding them with too much information and with our own adult agenda and distress.

As parents, or caregivers, it is imperative that we take care of ourselves. If we do not know how to nurture ourselves, the challenge is to learn to do so, to find outlets with other adults to deal with our fears and concerns. It is our job as adults to grapple with the stresses of the world; it is our job to maintain faith in future for our children. In doing this we allow our children to experience the limits, structure, expressions of love and attention that will facilitate their appropriate progress through developmental stages.

As five months move on to six and on to a year, we will take the lessons of this time in our lives, study them, and learn from them. Part of the lesson is asking, "How do I want to live now?" and "What do I want my children and their children to know about the history of these times?"